just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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