Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize