just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize