Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
