Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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