This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
