i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
