dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
