Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
