the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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