He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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