We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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