I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
