it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
