8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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