I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
