Plan B is the new Plan A
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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