Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
pray to the hookup gods
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
