Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
