i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
