margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I could make wine with my vomit
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
