just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize