i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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