carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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