so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
