if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
