Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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