After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
