what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
