You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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