Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
