Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
