your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
