dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
