Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
