i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
