I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
