What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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