i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
