I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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