I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
