Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
