I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
