u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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