We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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