i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
