You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
