he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
