Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
