So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
