Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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