No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm bleeding and have questions
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
