Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize