Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
then he tried to convert me to islam
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize