we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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