Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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