when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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