no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
