On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
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