I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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