Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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