she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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