I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize