After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
