He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
