her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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