He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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