i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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