He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
