Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
