if you like me you must not know who I am
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
